Posted on February 14, 2016 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
“When I heard your story, I was floored. I had to find some way to reach out to you, perhaps in some way apologizing to you on behalf of all men. I am humbled and overcome with outrage at the abuse you suffered, and concerned for the pain you still endure.”
“As an artist, as a woman, you are showing women how to have feelings again. Complicated feelings. You make it look good.”
“Thank you for showing us the depravity of your fathers kind, so that we can be outraged and call it abnormal, too.”
“Your father not only deprived you of a childhood, but himself from truly enjoying his own child. I hope your documentary efforts are yielding fruits of healing and I know many of my friends are following this story. Make the best of your life and through your leadership, inspire others to do the same.”
“The astounding visual sense you bring to such jarring material is rare – It’s like you are furiously painting.”
“Stark and direct and scary and honest … and beautifully made.”
“You’re courageous and cool, and inspiring. I hope to see this film everywhere.”
“You are a remarkable woman to be able to use your anger in such a creative venue and your life ahead holds so much promise.”
“The Marina Experiment should be seen by everyone who has survived abuse and everyone who is planning on having children.”
“Thank you for making this film, I had no idea anyone else had experienced anything at all like I had.”
“Vulnerable, uncomfortably raw and captivating.”
“Finding people like you, and finding ways to put words on a very confusing experience helps me in ways I didn’t know were possible.”
“I think you have so much courage to do this and I’m sure it’s going to help a lot of people.”
“You RULE, and are an inspiration!”
Posted on December 5, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
The final report from the investigation committee, which consists of the only child of Abbot Lutz, has concluded that Abbot Lutz engaged in sexual misconduct and that his mind contained heaps of fabricated data used to intimidate and terrorize his only child with the intention of making himself more dominant. The Investigation Committee reported that the data (hereinafter referred to as “evidence”) left to his only child has caused irreparable harm. Any findings previously reported in his New York Times obituary are deemed false and invalid. Furthermore, the committee found that the evidence collected proved disturbing and furtive. Because the final report of the investigation indicated that a significant amount of the evidence put forward by Abbot Lutz in photographs, super 8 film and reel to reel audio tape was conceived with the intent to satisfy his narcissistic urges, the editors of his obituary feel that an immediate and unconditional retraction of his “good” name is needed. We therefore retract any positive statements made about the deceased and advise his family and “friends” that anything favorable reported about him is deemed to be invalid.
Posted on November 2, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
A father experiments on his daughter by communicating with her solely through cameras and audio recording devices. This is the first in a never-ending series, where the pitfalls of his parenting technique are examined, ridiculed and lamented.
Posted on July 7, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
I have made a piece of art out of child abuse. Sorting and resorting and editing the facts that are the source of my fury and my grief. I imagined I was desensitized, but every time I go back, I find new shards.
I am not a victim or a survivor. I don’t identify with these labels. I am an opponent. The enemy. The more people see my film the more I win. I have turned something hurtful into retribution. My father would be mortified. He would bare my backside and put me over his knees and spank me roughly and mercilessly and then lock me in my room. The spanking must have felt sexual, because now, just a hand mistakenly grazed past my posterior, perhaps on a crowded train, feels violating. Read more
Posted on July 4, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
I strain to get to a word. It is imprisoned by my skull no window through my eyes.
My mother had collapsed onto her bad hip and her hand was firmly clutching nothing. A gang of teenagers had broken into the house and raped her while she was holding a dollar bill and then the fireplace started to melt, she said.
Spinal tap, brain biopsy, dementia of unknown origin. The doctors said it would happen to me too. That grim prediction.
And now I strain to get to a word.
Posted on March 2, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
I once had a father named Abe
who treated me like a hot babe
he lecherously stared
while he photographed me bare
so my home felt like Abu Ghraib
Posted on March 1, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
he does not hear me in my eyes he sees himself I am traumatized
Posted on February 29, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
You might read my writing and think how sad I am
but really I am no sadder than you.
Posted on February 27, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
I feel I have no love in my life. I know you will tell me about all my friends and how much they love me but it’s not the same as the love of a man. That’s what I want and it is what I have been denied. My hope is fading that it will ever be there for me. The sadness is deafening. I wallow in it and then dredge myself up and then sink back because the comfort of the wet dark mud is what I am used to. You will judge me and I defend myself, saying that you cannot possibly understand because you are not able to feel my worn down soul.
Posted on February 27, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment
I write things and they might seem out of context for you, but for me they are always in context because my father’s mistreatment of me as a child will always be there affecting every relationship in my life in inappropriate ways. I hear from many others who watch my film that it brings up STUFF about their own families and childhood but they do not want to talk about it because they say they have dealt with it or something like that but I know the pain is there and will always be there its just that they do not have the courage to feel it. I now understand what people mean when they call me BRAVE. I never got that before.