THOUGHT OF THE DAY

Posted on February 27, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

I feel I have no love in my life. I know you will tell me about all my friends and how much they love me but it’s not the same as the love of a man. That’s what I want and it is what I have been denied. My hope is fading that it will ever be there for me. The sadness is deafening. I wallow in it and then dredge myself up and then sink back because the comfort of the wet dark mud is what I am used to. You will judge me and I defend myself, saying that you cannot possibly understand because you are not able to feel my worn down soul.

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FRAME OF REFERENCE

Posted on February 27, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

I write things and they might seem out of context for you, but for me they are always in context because my father’s mistreatment of me as a child will always be there affecting every relationship in my life in inappropriate ways. I hear from many others who watch my film that it brings up STUFF about their own families and childhood but they do not want to talk about it because they say they have dealt with it or something like that but I know the pain is there and will always be there its just that they do not have the courage to feel it. I now understand what people mean when they call me BRAVE. I never got that before.

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CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Posted on May 7, 2011 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

I remember asking for a doll named Tiny Tiny Tears. I liked her because she cried “real tears,” the ad said. Santa told me that if I was very very good, and obeyed my father and my mother, I would get Tiny Tiny Tears next week. I never got Tiny Tiny Tears. Read more

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FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY

Posted on July 4, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

Best book title ever. I never even needed to crack the binding. That title is the best advice I ever got.

I have been thinking a lot about something, but have been afraid to write about it. In public anyway. Here it is. Read more

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SEEKING ASYLUM

Posted on July 4, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

I don’t know what that’s like.

to feel safe.

to be embraced with no genital intentions

just to feel cared for

to feel safe.

I don’t know what that’s like.

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REVELATION

Posted on July 3, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

Today I considered that maybe my relationship with my archive

is akin to my relationship with men.

I choose to be intimate with things that hurt me over and over.

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YOU SHOULD

Posted on July 2, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

I hate it when I hear it. If I want your advice I’ll ask for it. Don’t tell me what to do.

You should take another pill. You should eat less carbs. You should ask for more money. You should tell her how you feel. You should keep it to yourself. You should buy yourself a treat. You should return it. You should get rid of him. You should stay where you are. You should take a chance. You should ignore it.

YOU should.

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THE THOUGHT THAT DOESN’T COUNT

Posted on July 1, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

dashingcommuter

THE EMPTY PROMISE

If it is not within your power or honest desire to guarantee that a particular thing will happen, please don’t bestow me with your “good intentions.” I am gullible and hopeful and so easily disappointed.

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