Posted on February 27, 2012 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment | 3 Comments

I write things and they might seem out of context for you, but for me they are always in context because my father’s mistreatment of me as a child will always be there affecting every relationship in my life in inappropriate ways. I hear from many others who watch my film that it brings up STUFF about their own families and childhood but they do not want to talk about it because they say they have dealt with it or something like that but I know the pain is there and will always be there its just that they do not have the courage to feel it. I now understand what people mean when they call me BRAVE. I never got that before.


3 Responses to “FRAME OF REFERENCE”

  1. Maggie on September 9th, 2012 9:52 am

    Dear Marina, I heard your interview on NPR today. Surely brought “STUFF” up on my own family. My dad didn’t photograph me as much as yours did you, but one of my dad’s favorite movies of me is when I’m 2-3 y.o. and going # 2 on the pottie. To this day he still doesn’t understand how uncomfortable it makes me when he shows this to other people! Oh, and I have the exact same picture of me, at 7-8 y.o. naked in the shower with my shower-hat on! Flash back big time. My dad insisted on sitting on the toilet (‘because he had to go’) while I showered, all through my adolescent years. His eyes, locked on me. I don’t remember when this first started bothering me. Finally, I think I was about 14, I worked up the courage to lock the door and shut him out. He bullied me in opening it back up. I finally avoided showering when he was in the house. I keep this uncomfortable feeling hidden, rationalized that he probably was merely interested in the biological process of his only daughter growing up (I have only older brothers). Your interview this morning has stirred me greatly, confronting me that it may not have been his biological interest at all. And now I am again fighting not to make a big deal about this. However, I am struggling with my moral self whether I should let my brother know about my experiences, for the sake of my nieces. My dad babysits them pretty much every week. And that reminds me,… where was my mother in all of this? Did she not see any of this going on? Does she see it now with my nieces? I now live thousands of miles away from all of them so I can’t see. Bringing this up with my mother will only cause us both great pain. I will not watch your film, I am afraid of what it may do to me and my relationship with my father.

  2. admin on September 9th, 2012 10:24 am

    Dear Maggie,
    I am sad that you endured a similar experience. I can empathize, but I cannot advise you on how to proceed. That is your choice. My parents are both deceased, so maybe that made it easier for me to make the film. Everyone who sees the film asks where my mother was – she was present, but inaudible. I hope you can find guidance within, or from a therapist or friend. I have been in therapy for 40 years, and without her help and my hard work, I doubt this film could have materialized. The pain lives on, but every viewing of my film is a victory, especially when it starts a conversation about this still taboo subject.
    Take care, Marina

  3. Anonlymous on September 10th, 2012 7:40 am

    Please tell your brother for the sake of his daughters. Your father is still the same. My father was less bad but I would not leave my daughter alone with him. I was relieved when he died.

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